Thursday, March 24, 2011

THE CHIPS ACT




I don't usually do this: It is not an original post.

I got this forward from a friend, I've unsuccessfully tried to find the originator through twitter, because this must be the most hilarious post I've read in a while.

Kenyan's will understand this act pretty well.

Let me explain for those that don't, such as my friend Bazanye from Uganda.

The act of picking up a girl you meet, mostly in a club is called Chips Fungaing which is literally translated to mean, 'Take away Chips'. A common habit for club goers in Kenya is to pass by a chicken and Chips take-away shop, whatever the time, hence the term.



so here's the act:

The provisions of the CHIPS ACT are as follows:

1. Section 2(1) provides that a chips shall always appear in a club looking fresh. Sweaty mamas wakae home.

2. A chips shall never ask for payment after a night of sec.........luded fun in a secluded place. Chipsing is free. Asking for credit, fare back home shall be taken as asking for payment and will result in disciplinary action.

3. Chips should never come to the club with mummy, daddy or girlfriend issues. Clubs are happy places - shida zako wacha home.

4. Chips should never leave stuff at a man's place so as to get an excuse to come back later. Any stuff left shall be properly disposed by the man and he shall not be liable for any loss whatsoever.

5. Chips should remember the way they use to the dude's residence because on the day after, no chips should expect to be seen off the stage. In fact if possible, don't wake the man up,..........just leave
quietly.

6. In relation to sub section 5, a chips should never ever steal or borrow anything from the man's crib. This offence is tantamount to treason and is punishable. It should further be noted that going with the man's jacket or pullover just coz its cold shall be deemed as stealing.

7. A chips shall practice full disclosure before she's fungwad. Full disclosure includes disclosing whether her hair or teeth are fake, whether she has a medical condition, or whether the club's neon lights makes her look hotter than she really is.

8. Chips shall leave other pals after meeting with the dude. Bringing an extra mama will be taken to mean that the man is being propositioned for a 3-some.

9. No chips shall disclose any secrets that the man might tell her when he's tipsy. Neither shall she disclose to other people where the man lives. It is a serious offence for a chips to warn other chips that the man is a serial chipser.

10. No chips shall come to the club at "that time of the month" and if she does she should disclose this in good time. Failure to disclose this before proceeding to the man's residence, the said chips shall reimburse
the man full costs e.g cab fare, cost of drinks, Opportunity cost (i.e the cost of incurred by foregoing/ missing out on the other available chips).

11. We live in a dangerous world. Chips shall accept to be eaten with sauce. Not vinegar or mustard but sauce. Always remember, kuna chips imekarangwa na transformer oil.

12. Chips shall accept the fact that they are CHIPS. Any insisting on otherwise is an offence. The only exception to this provision is when the man expressly, in writing or orally, tells the chips otherwise or a certain period has passes and the chips is still lungulain the dude. However, this period shall be set by the senate in consultation with parliament. In that case, the chips will be required to make an offer for change in status quo and the man shall accept. Only then shall the chips become the legal wife of the man.

After passing this act, Parliament adjourned. Next bill will deal with SAUSAGE FUNGA, all member are requestedc to arreive on time to deal; with the important bill. \however all agreed that the most important bill had passed and teh Act put in place (The Chips Act)

Cheers guys

Reuben ( I believe this must be the originator)

Have a rib cracking day!

11 comments:

  1. I prefer to call them Sausage Uma, and the rules are:
    Don't catch feelings
    Leave when you finish your job.
    Don't expect me to act all wifey with you.
    Don't call me the next day expecting a repeat of the same.

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  2. Really...really funny & stupid. The things people come up with!

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  3. foolishness, utter foolish nonsense.

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  4. i like section 7..LOL

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  5. Dear Anonymus, Lighten up, somethings are stupid enough for laughter..find your funny bone. Oh and there's some other comment i've deleted (because its my blog and I can) who says it was originated by Cess and Maqbul on twitter, so there you have it..ingenous Kenyans came up with the ACT. Relax..we dont all have the time to go through items on hashtag and copy paste. Alert: its now circulating as an email.

    Just for laughs, if you cant laugh, you can click on the close tab menu at the right hand corner of your machine.

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  6. hahah this is kinda of an act written by Dr Elanor.though twisting it to kenyan style..very creative..hahah cant stop laughing..

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  7. walalalalalalala! still laughing!

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  8. Crazy Nairobian is the originator!! Saw it first there!! Its like am reading it again for the first time!!

    HILLARIOUS!!

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  9. .."However, this period shall be set by the senate in consultation with parliament" LOL

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