Monday, March 28, 2011

"Me, my Wife and her Guru" teaser - Jitu Films Kenyan Movie

Sunday Evening I was at Capri 7 for movie night! Lizz Njagah and Alex constantaras, my dearest friends were having a premiere for their movie. Me, My Wife and her Gur. Intersting! if you're a Kenyan, it sort or reminds you of a recent scenario within the media circles, even though there is a sweet disclaimer at the end credits.

I hope you get to watch it! This was the teaser on Youtube.

Thursday, March 24, 2011


I don't usually do this: It is not an original post.

I got this forward from a friend, I've unsuccessfully tried to find the originator through twitter, because this must be the most hilarious post I've read in a while.

Kenyan's will understand this act pretty well.

Let me explain for those that don't, such as my friend Bazanye from Uganda.

The act of picking up a girl you meet, mostly in a club is called Chips Fungaing which is literally translated to mean, 'Take away Chips'. A common habit for club goers in Kenya is to pass by a chicken and Chips take-away shop, whatever the time, hence the term.

so here's the act:

The provisions of the CHIPS ACT are as follows:

1. Section 2(1) provides that a chips shall always appear in a club looking fresh. Sweaty mamas wakae home.

2. A chips shall never ask for payment after a night of sec.........luded fun in a secluded place. Chipsing is free. Asking for credit, fare back home shall be taken as asking for payment and will result in disciplinary action.

3. Chips should never come to the club with mummy, daddy or girlfriend issues. Clubs are happy places - shida zako wacha home.

4. Chips should never leave stuff at a man's place so as to get an excuse to come back later. Any stuff left shall be properly disposed by the man and he shall not be liable for any loss whatsoever.

5. Chips should remember the way they use to the dude's residence because on the day after, no chips should expect to be seen off the stage. In fact if possible, don't wake the man up,..........just leave

6. In relation to sub section 5, a chips should never ever steal or borrow anything from the man's crib. This offence is tantamount to treason and is punishable. It should further be noted that going with the man's jacket or pullover just coz its cold shall be deemed as stealing.

7. A chips shall practice full disclosure before she's fungwad. Full disclosure includes disclosing whether her hair or teeth are fake, whether she has a medical condition, or whether the club's neon lights makes her look hotter than she really is.

8. Chips shall leave other pals after meeting with the dude. Bringing an extra mama will be taken to mean that the man is being propositioned for a 3-some.

9. No chips shall disclose any secrets that the man might tell her when he's tipsy. Neither shall she disclose to other people where the man lives. It is a serious offence for a chips to warn other chips that the man is a serial chipser.

10. No chips shall come to the club at "that time of the month" and if she does she should disclose this in good time. Failure to disclose this before proceeding to the man's residence, the said chips shall reimburse
the man full costs e.g cab fare, cost of drinks, Opportunity cost (i.e the cost of incurred by foregoing/ missing out on the other available chips).

11. We live in a dangerous world. Chips shall accept to be eaten with sauce. Not vinegar or mustard but sauce. Always remember, kuna chips imekarangwa na transformer oil.

12. Chips shall accept the fact that they are CHIPS. Any insisting on otherwise is an offence. The only exception to this provision is when the man expressly, in writing or orally, tells the chips otherwise or a certain period has passes and the chips is still lungulain the dude. However, this period shall be set by the senate in consultation with parliament. In that case, the chips will be required to make an offer for change in status quo and the man shall accept. Only then shall the chips become the legal wife of the man.

After passing this act, Parliament adjourned. Next bill will deal with SAUSAGE FUNGA, all member are requestedc to arreive on time to deal; with the important bill. \however all agreed that the most important bill had passed and teh Act put in place (The Chips Act)

Cheers guys

Reuben ( I believe this must be the originator)

Have a rib cracking day!

Monday, March 21, 2011

Mummy 101

Which mum wouldn't want to receive something like that from their 4 year old who is just learning to write?

This weekend saw lots of Baby-Mummy and more family time in Kisumu. My nephews and nieces also had quite the fab time, with my daughter asking my sister the host, if she could see the cows two minutes after we were welcomed into the house. My sister does not keep cattle, but Imani thought we were at my mum's in Kitale, gave us a bit of a laugh there, something that carried on throughout that weekend. I'm still trying to make her understand why Kisumu is not Kitale and why Kitale is not close to Nairobi etc. I guess distance is still a very complicated issue to a 4 year old.


Saturday afternoon the kids stayed in to write, colour and play. They are at the level where they're just learning sentences and how to write stuff.

The older boys wrote sentences from a book they had, and( I must digress)my nephew Kipkoskei has the most beautiful handwriting for a 6 year old!

Anyway, they start to read out loud each others sentences, and Kip picks up Imani's. I was in the next room so i could hear quite well without having them know that i was listening in.

It said 'Imani is in Love'

After getting over the shock of what I'd just heard and attempting to compose myself for the best approach, I went into the room and I asked her if I could see what she's been up to,She handed it to me with a very cheeky smile.

I read it loud and asked her is she is in love...she giggled and ran off.

I still don't have an answer, and she wont tell. She is 4 years old, how do I ask her if she knows what being in love means? Or should I really?

Who will pick you up at the airport?

That's a question i got from my 5 year old nephew last evening who sat next to me on the flight back to Nairobi after a great weekend in Kisumu, with my sisters and their families.

They; (My nephew, his mum and younger sister) were getting picked up by their dad.

I told him I'd packed our car at the airport, and it would be more convenient for us, but i do know that it it was issues deeper than the availability of long term parking that he was asking of.

I duly reminded my daughter that we had parked at the airport and offered her a new topic to avoid further discussion.

Sometimes a family unit is Father, Mother Child. Sometimes is Mother and Child. Sometimes its a father and Child.

Sometimes its a phase. Sometimes its permanent.

Thursday, March 3, 2011

One Nation. One people. # February 28th

For a Kenyan to write and actually believe what is now the title of this blog is a difficult thing.

We are not one people, and if one people makes one Nation, then perhaps, in many ways we are not One Nation.

2007 was the eye opener year for many Kenyans, who were, like me, dreamers.I am one of the most optimistic people you will find, perhaps that may also mean that i have such strong hope, almost to a naivety, for things, such a loving husband and a house atop a hill, with picket fences and acres of rose bushes.

My poetry may speak louder of my dreamy nature, but this was crushed after 2007, when i went home for Christmas holidays, after voting in Nairobi, then traveled up country to be with my mother and the rest of the family. it was supposed to be a wonderful Christmas. It was, bu the days that followed the announcement of the presidential results were made in hell.

I remember TV scrolls of people killed in different parts of the country. it was as if some high voltage energy was passing through different towns, and tribal killings began, by the time January came, over 1000 people had been killed, perhaps many more.

After that, Kenya has been a divided country. A coalition government was formed, and even that has been a difficult union.

so one day on twitter, i see a hash-tag '#FEb28th, lets sing the National Anthem.'
I was curious.

I followed different tweets about it, and the dreamer in me was reborn.

Once again i wanted to believe in my country again.

I wanted to see how many Kenyans out there wanted to feel the same, to feel united even as our political class continues bickering over various issues.

On February 28th, 2011, at 1300hrs,It happened, and Kenyans (in Nairobi according to local press) joined hands and prayed through our symbol of National Unity. The National Anthem.They sang it loud and clear,i could feel that those that sangit, believed it.

It was sang in public places around the city. I sang it in the office, as I was on duty, and for the first time in a long time, i began to think of my lost patriotism.

February 28th came and went, and the cynics had their say, but for me, it was the beginning of many beginnings.

I want to be proud of Kenya again. I want to be proud of what is Kenyan and stop poking jokes at patriotism.

It means Kenya airways will be my first flight of choice,even though they have their challenges. It also means i will drink Kenyan coffee and dump Nescafe. I will drink Kenyan tea and dump my twinnings. It means i will support local entrepreneurs and challenge young people to grow up in a country they love. I will influence whoever i can to begin to change their perceptions about our beautiful country.

In beautiful, I am not talking about the wild safari's, i am talking about its people.
The wonderful, amazing Kenyan people who i interact with on a day to day basis, the amazing entrepreneurship culture that is likely to shape the economy of this country.

I will revive my "kenyanness" and will be proud of it.

Feb 28th should be everyday, if we are to be one People, One nation.